Oatmeal
I hate my dish bowls.
Seriously, they look nice
But they can’t do the simple task
For which they were designed for
And that is to hold food!
Okay, so maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement
They hold food,
Just not the amount of food that I wish they would.
Lately I’ve been on this oatmeal kick
Not really sure why.
Maybe my old age is catching up with me?
First oatmeal for every meal
Then next thing you know
I’m walking with a cane
Wearing dentures
And having strangers change my Depends
And read to me at night
Hmmmm…
That actually sounds mildly appealing.
But I digress.
You see the bowl will hold
The allotted 1 cup of water needed for the oatmeal
But, here’s the kicker.
As soon as I put the two packets of oatmeal into the bowl
The water displaces
Causing it and the oatmeal to flood
Over and onto my kitchen counter.
Making a mess
And aggravating the crap out of me.
Of course, maybe I’m being hasty in laying the blame on the bowl
Maybe it’s not the dish bowls fault at all
Maybe the root of the problem really lies with Mr. Quaker
And the serving size of each oatmeal packet.
If the folks at General Mills were a little less stingy with their oats
And took the time to realize
That a single packet of oatmeal
Is by no means enough to feed someone
Then maybe, people like me
Wouldn’t be trying to force two packets of oatmeal
Into a bowl that’s the size of a gumdrop
And that’s clearly not equipped to handle such a load.
A packet designed at a 1.5 serving would be just right.
You know, this dilemma
Reminds me of my other serving size arch-nemesis…
The ketchup packet!
Oh the little devil.
He’s plagued me for years.
I mean, seriously, why on earth make them so small?
What does one ketchup packet really do for you?
You open it
Squeeze it
And out comes the teensiest
Tiniest teardrop of ketchup.
Enough ketchup for about two french fries!
Maybe three, if you’re super savvy
And ration it appropriately.
What the crap?
I hate that I have to spend 10 minutes
Opening up like 15 packets
Before I can even enjoy my take home meal.
Why not just make giant ketchup packets?
I mean if elementary schools can serve milk in a bag
Why can’t Heinz harness that same technology
And make a super ketchup packet?
You feel me?
Looks like Mr. Quaker and Mr. Heinz
Will be getting an email from me!
Wait! Do Quakers have email?
The plans I make
Still have you in them…
-Jason
